Monday, May 29, 2017

Making New Patterns

Discovering the “hidden drivers’ in our lives makes it possible to address uncontrollable situations.

As the old emotional stuff comes to the surface and can be seen, it can be dealt with compassionately.

I am grateful for the support to learn many new ways of doing this.

As I see the destruction of the old patterns, I can feel the power of making new ones.

Gaining control of my life in this way lets me move forward without fearing attacks on my new steps.

It begins to give me confidence that my ideas will be respected and safeguarded.

It allows me to learn new skills and ways to communicate.

It removes so much habitual fear from my life.

I can enjoy taking the steps to expand my life.

I can move in directions which are important and meaningful to me.

I can embrace the direction I choose for my own life.

Even though I still weigh when to take time out for others, I now have the choice to devote time to myself as well.

© 2017 Kathryn Hardage

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Pulling in the Pieces

For my whole, life I have known what I wanted to do.

I have been vectored and deflected away without the resources to guide my own life.

Now that I am gaining those resources, I am having the experience of pulling those pieces into place.

I cannot describe the peace.

i cannot describe the feeling of coming home.

After so many years of being pushed and prodded to do something other than what my desire was, the feeling of comfort and gentleness is overwhelming.

I am so grateful for all the little steps that I have been taking against all the training I have had.

I am so grateful for the longing that never quit.

I am so happy to feel the first little tinges of secure joy.

I love feeling at one with my heart and action.

It is simple things, which when pursued consistently, make up the new picture.

I can’t move as fast or as powerfully as I feel I want to.

But I can move a little.

I can continue to refine and build my concept and then see the little steps filled in toward my goal.

I can continue pulling in the pieces until I have the complete and whole life that I desire.

© 2017 Kathryn Hardage

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Keeping It All Current

It has to be happening in the “now”.

It is wrenching to try to look at the past to evaluate it.

It is speculation to look at the future.

Everything is happening on a continuum that is actually getting us somewhere that we want to be.

The things that happen in passing are all OK.

Today’s conclusions are the strongest ones so far.

Stay with today.

I must remind myself.

Things just cannot align harmoniously if there are other time periods trying to pile on at the same time.

© 2017 Kathryn Hardage

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

A New Path and a New Language

Going through a healing process is a unique kind of validation.

It acknowledges the pain of the survivor, while teaching a new language for a new kind of wholeness.

It is tricky to continue to interact with the world.

It requires acknowledgement of mental and emotional prison bars. 

Historically suppressed expression has many layers to deal with.

Discovering how to meet needs which have never even been acknowledged is challenging.

There is no vocabulary for them.

Other coping skills filled in instead.

Living with the misunderstanding of people who mean well has its own challenges.

Replacing frustration with acceptance is a huge step.

You will find your own way.

Indeed, you are the only one who can do it.

Other paths will not suffice.

But, you will find yours.

Your commitment makes that a given.

© 2017 Kathryn Hardage


Monday, May 22, 2017

Good Self-Care

I am learning about self-care as I continue my healing journey.

I am learning that it is normal to take care of myself first.

I never knew that.

I thought everyone else came first and I had to just keep praying for strength and resources.

With good self-care, I realize I am cleaning my house for myself, not my mother.

I am taking the time to get things done that I want to do.

I am taking the time to figure new things out without the sense of time pressure.

I just got back from a new dentist with my usual good report and kudos for my good self-care.

I am getting help on things which are really difficult for me, like bookkeeping and sorting receipts.

I am getting help on mowing the yard and unloading gardening soil and compost.

I am visiting people who need and appreciate my knowledge and skills.

I am setting up my music studio so I can share my unique music reading readiness method with more children and their parents.

I am discovering my actual own feelings about things.

I am trusting myself.  Wow.  I am not wrong about everything.

I am eating well with the best organic quality food.

My physical harmony is testimony to my good self-care.

My mental well-being is becoming newly and truly established.

I care for who I am.  I am a good person.  I was brainwashed by the abusers.

© 2017 Kathryn Hardage

My Own Highlights

A feeling that goes deep down.

An experience which fulfills great longing.

A relief at a responsibility fulfilled.

Successful reception of ideas.

Outreaching of ideas.

Support from like-minded people.

Gathering and sharing ideas.

Increasing skill knowledge.

Since I know what is important to me, I can create my own highlights.

They do not have to match anyone else’s because they are mine.

I get to decide what is valuable to me.

I get to choose what makes my life worthwhile and to do it.

I get to choose who I associate with.

I choose people who are uplifting and who want to create a better world.

© 2017 Kathryn Hardage

Sunday, May 21, 2017

The Strongest Factor in My Life

My desire for peace and freedom and to see others with the same rights and experiences is turning out to be the strongest factor in my life.

I have grown up in a time which First established voting for more American citizens, then expanded education and the arts, and is now taking it away.

i grew up with idealism and saw it become a reality.

When so much good can be done by so many people, it is amazing to watch what overpowering greed is doing.

Fortunately, more and more people are becoming aware of the conflict between good for all and obscene self-centeredness.

I am grateful to see the political battle lines being drawn as we emerge into a more compassionate society.

Naturally, the steps leading to these moments are quite ugly.

The fear of limitation is so implanted in people’s minds that many people believe what the greedy rich are saying.

And yet, we all have so much to share with each other.

We have time, and listening, and experiences.

We have kindness, and an ability to expand our view, once we are willing.

With communication, all kinds of steps can be taken.

The signs are so obvious and the solutions so plentiful once the fear of limitation is overcome by compassion and kindness.

We can still see a level of wealth and sharing never before imagined once we get this feeling on a consistent basis.

© 2017 Kathryn Hardage

Finding Freedom Again

Once we find a place of freedom and one of the many ways to get there, we know we can find it again and again.

At some point, we will know how to stay there.

In the meantime, we build up a taste for it, and a desire to experience more of what we have discovered.

I find that when I get thrown off balance, I can breathe deeply and find my way to a quiet moment.

I can expand that quiet moment into a place of inner listening.

As I listen, I regain my sense of direction.

I am undistracted by the noise and conflict around me.

I remember my priorities.

I gain my footing.

I can take the next step.

This is my freedom.

Once I remember who I am and act that way, I am in my place of freedom.

Finding it is difficult at first, but I get better and better at it every time.

© 2017 Kathryn Hardage

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Personal Courage and Compassion

In the light of more and more revelations about the past, I am developing a lot more respect for myself, both in the areas of personal courage and compassion.

Feeling the feelings and releasing the sensations is not easy.

Numbing myself in order to take care of the daily business of work and raising a family was a persistent and useful coping skill.

Learning to be big enough to accept all my experiences has required a lot of courage.

Discovering a strength I never knew I had to rise up and object is revitalizing.

Learning that it is my right to object to coercive behavior is empowering.

The phrase “brainwashing of the abusers” goes deep.

How to learn about connecting and connections when so many were cut off before they had a chance to develop.

How to cocoon myself in friendships instead of in isolation.

How to enjoy the goodness in me.

How to express my happiness without fear.

These are all steps I am taking.

© 2017 Kathryn Hardage

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Finding What is Good

I can find what is good.

This ability to look for and find what is good has saved me from going into paralyzing despair numerous times.

I can always find it.

Even when I find myself in the depths, I know it is for only a short time, because I have rescued myself so many times.

Burdens which seemed impossible to bear have been cast off, first for lighter burdens, and then,  for innocence.

Replacing my thoughts and impressions and sensations with my new resources is the plan.

So far, it has started out well.

It takes a while for the mind to learn new patterns.

Figuring out how to achieve the desired patterns is a challenge.

Going deep within and contrasting the good with the problem yields an effective approach.

At a deep enough level, what seems impossible becomes probable, and then it is a matter of practice.

© 2017 Kathryn Hardage

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Children and Growth

Each child who comes into your life represents an opportunity for growth.

We are all at various life stages with everyone we encounter.

The children who come into your household are there to develop their individualities, as you continue to develop yours.

From what I have seen, most parents give their children everything they are capable of giving.

We all take what we are given and build on it in our own individual ways.

We can emphasize positive or negative things.

As I discovered hidden negative influences from my childhood, I had to decide what kind of part they continue to play in my life and how to improve on them.

I have also had opportunities to appreciate the long-term effects of many positive factors.

As children grow up they have the opportunity to develop a life with meaning.

We can all use both positive and negative influences from within and without the households we grew up in.

We can appreciate or resent life’s requirements on us.

How we fulfill them is our continuing decision.

© 2017 Kathryn Hardage

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

What My New Life is Bringing

 Consideration of the world from my own point of view.

Looking at what my own point of view consists of.

Recognizing that which is from within.

The difference from what has been imposed.

What my own feelings actually are.

What is actually important to me.

What I, myself, want to do with my life.

The freedom to make these kinds of decisions.

The realization that I have value.

The recognition that I am validated just for being myself.

The deepest peace I have ever known.

Freedom to create and share.

Unlimited resources within and without.

The gift of help.

Deep fulfilling breaths.

Trust.

Gentle, purposeful expansion.

Fun conversation and community.

© 2017 Kathryn Hardage

Outgrowing Your Children

 Our children grow in many directions as they mature into adulthood.

They learn new skills, acquire new friends, and move into their generation of activities.

But what about your own growth?

What if it is taking you farther away from your children?

As you resolve issues from the past that you did not have time to address while you were raising them, you may find yourself moving in an entirely different direction, one that is completely new to you.

Your greater range of experiences may put you out of reach emotionally, because your children simply have no way to relate to them.

Moving into new territory like this requires courage.

Resolving your own life issues is not for sissies!

What you are establishing for yourself goes beyond the family “traditions” promoted by commercial holidays.

You are establishing a deep grounding which you have never had before.

While you were raising your children, you took care of them in the best possible ways you could at the time using all the resources you could possibly bring to bear.

Now, it is time for you to discover how to take care of yourself in the best possible ways you can.

Your work with your children is complete, even when you continue to get together.

You are no longer raising them.

Now you can complete the work to expand your own life.

It is time.

© 2017 Kathryn Hardage