Acting on My Own Feelings

I am recently discovering that I have my own feelings.

They have been buried for decades due to coping with early childhood abuse.

Acting on my own feelings is a new thing to do.

It is an entirely new approach to my life.

I can actually take the time to think about how I feel about something.

I have not built the automatic connections which come with the freedom of being safe.

I am analysing each situation in terms of how I feel.

Usually, I have an automatic reaction of numbing inward focus, although few, if any, have ever noted it.

My ability to observe and move into my own feelings is an entirely different experience.

I am exploring it carefully.

I am discovering a whole range of feelings which I never knew I had.

In between the extremes of despair and jubilance are thousands of other nuances.

Each tone is appropriate for a different situation.

These tones and nuances of feelings move gracefully across the spectrum of emotions.

With a range of feelings, there is room for expression.

A range of feelings precludes a build up of frustrations and emotional outbursts.

A range of feelings can be experienced before dipping down to depression.

A whole appropriate range of feelings is available for many wonderful kinds of expression.

What a joy to discover this rich resource of feelings and to gain access to it.

© 2019 Kathryn Hardage

www.lovedcherishedadored.blogspot.com 

My Garden

I have found my garden, and it is within me.

In searching out a more comfortable space, I finally realised I do not have to go anywhere else.

I have all I need, right where I am, right in front of me.

I am now free to take the next new step forward.

I am free to build the foundation for releasing my work.

My initial anguished outreach was met with compassion.

There is now a ray of light going where I have been so isolated.

I can follow through on the directions which I have been given.

I can take the steps which are outlined.

I have a way to build my connection with the outside world.

Once I do that, I can release the “hidden splendor”.

The years of personal development underlying the work are creating an atmosphere of receptivity.

Building the structure for releasing the work is the next big step.

At last  everything is in place to begin.

As in a garden, the many steps to prepare the soil have been taken.

As in a garden, the plan has been designed.

As in a garden, the seeds have been sown.

As in a garden, the ideas, the plants, have been growing and becoming mature.

The next step will be bringing the ideas to market where they can be seen, acquired, and utilised.

I am calm and humbled to receive this gift, the gift of connection.

I will learn the steps to bring it about.

Breaking the isolation is a true breakthrough.

In my garden, all is prepared.

© 2019 Kathryn Hardage

www.lovedcherishedadored.blogspot.com 

Forging Your Identity

The process of forging involves a lot of stresses on the material being forged.

The material must be strengthened through heating, cooling, liquifying, molding, folding,  hammering, shaping, testing and refining.

The elements of our character are treated in corresponding manner as our identity is forged.

We may begin with good intentions, but if we do not have the strength to carry them out, they will not be fulfilled.

We progress from desiring a job to fulfilling our unique purpose.

Our unique purpose appears as we dedicate ourselves to doing excellent work where we are.

Our excellent work hones our innovations and leads our desire to implement them into new places.

As our innovations enrich our life, and we devote ourselves to their development within us, they begin to attract what is necessary to manifest them.

As we strive to make this happen, we run into our own limitations.

This is where the forging begins.

Forging to fulfil a purpose does not facilitate quick success.

Each stage in the forging process must be completed in order to create the invincible identity.

Since each identity is unique, its process is uncharted.

There are certain characteristics in this process, akin to the hero’s journey.

As we meet our challenges, they turn into the gifts of stepping stones.

We learn to appreciate the stepping stones, and as we explore them, we see they carry us forward in unexpected and unanticipated ways.

Our new character and identity begin to emerge as we take careful inventory of our stepping stones and begin to discover where they are leading us.

Our beginning excellent work makes us willing to do what is required.

Our perception of innovation comes from listening within.

This results in some outward manifestation, beyond our doing.

With our focus on excellence, innovation and our ability to recognise manifestation, we are introduced to a larger view.

We are able to meet the new demands with the strength of excellence.

We are able to receive continual new ideas.

We are able to meet new challenges patiently and persistently and to receive their gifts.

This is how our identity is forged.

© 2019 Kathryn Hardage

www.lovedcherishedadored.blogspot.com 

Straying and Returning

Sometimes we stray, not because we are insincere, but because we have become distracted.

Our schedule may have become interrupted, other priorities may have intervened.

When we get back to our path, it is waiting for us.

More insight may lie within it, for what we bring back with us may have caused some other type of  growing.

The path which runs true for us is in accord with our spiritual individuality and, really, nothing can pull us off such a path.

It may that we do not complete it in this life cycle, and those here with us are not able to benefit from it.

The permanence and indestructibility of our spiritual nature ensures that the work will be done.

It is best if we can do it here and now when it comes to us.

We are being prepared to carry out our unique and valuable work.

Everything we do, must take us in that direction.

Once we are aware of our purpose and our work, we can remain vigilant as we take our steps, big, little, and especially the tiny ones.

The tiny steps mean that we are staying very close to the ground and laying our foundation very securely.

When we stray or get distracted, we will not have slipped back too far with a tiny step.

Securing enough of a foundation may enable us to take bigger steps or even to fly later on.

Our tiny steps guard us and keep us secure and steady.

Occasionally, we are distracted for a long time from our purpose and our desire to carry it out.

Returning and picking up the work is the best thing to do.

There is no judgement, no frustration, no anger, no impatience.

Pick up the work and take the next tiny step.

These are steps which cannot be undone.

They are being done in honour and obedience and in celebration of our unique spiritual nature.

That which never changes, but waits for us to recognise it and join it, is always welcoming and happy for our return.

© 2019 Kathryn Hardage

www.lovedcherishedadored.blogspot.com 

Facing the Fears

I spend a significant amount of time dealing with my fears.

Sometimes they feel overwhelming and go on for a long time.

I use my powerful affirmation tools repetitively until they yield.

I do this without knowing when I will be free.

But it always happens, even if it takes many times throughout the night.

The negative imprinting from early childhood goes so deep it is taking a lot of attention and self-compassion to deal with it.

When I do find my freedom, it is by noticing that I am suddenly writing or involved in some kind of creative work.

I realise my release came through at some point and I moved right into my day.

I am so grateful every time.

From early childhood, I developed the habit of focusing on a prayer from Sunday School while I was being abused.

I had many healings, the most notable of which is that I was able to keep functioning in school.

After my hidden past came into view at age fifty, I had to learn to deal with the accumulation of fears which had never been addressed.

I am grateful for the many writers, workshop leaders, and therapists for the inspiration and tools which they shared. 

Their work has enabled me to keep going.

I am grateful for the breakthroughs which enable me to make significant progress on my projects and goals.

Little by little I am getting there.

I am taking the next steps and meeting the requirements and learning the new skills.

I am grateful for every step of healing.

I say this also to encourage the many people who are dealing with similar obstacles.

We each have gifts to share.

It is worth dealing with all the challenges in order to share our gifts.

We are all worthy, despite what we were told when we were so very young.

We can all lend our newly developing strength to those who need it to help them face their fears and evolve beyond them.

© 2019 Kathryn Hardage

www.lovedcherishedadored.blogspot.com 

Directed to Release

During my morning meditation, I received a directive to release a burden which I have been carrying for decades.

It was a quiet and calming message  from within which assured me that I have done enough for my children.

Even though I have been told this fact over and over, I never received it for myself.

Now, I know it is true.  

There is nothing more which I should have or could have done.

I did what was required at the time and it is sufficient.

Those who are affected have their own resources to draw on.

Their opinions about the situation are exactly that, theirs.

I am the only one who can hold my viewpoint, and that is the one I was working with at the time.

Since I am still working with my own viewpoint, I can now release myself from any other requirements.

I am grateful that everyone is launched.

I am grateful that they were able to receive much of what was being taught to them.

I am grateful they have developed their own resources for further growth and contribution to society and civilisation.

I was there for a time, and now I am not.

I have gone on to other projects which are important and vital to me.

I am grateful for the challenges which I overcame to take care of my children.

I am grateful for the intense spiritual growth which I experienced.

I have new opportunities and I am very privileged to be around to pursue them.

I owe nothing.

I am free to invest what I have learned in new directions.

© 2019 Kathryn Hardage

www.lovedcherishedadored.blogspot.com 

Reaching Another Goal

I am reaching specific goals that are important to me.

I have always been able to accomplish what I was required to do.

It is different going after my own goals.

After being derailed consistently as I was growing up, I developed layers of defences.

Being able to create a safe path for myself has not been easy.

I am taking action anyway.

Each step that I take creates a new neural path and establishes the fact that I can do the things I desire.

For me, this is momentous.

I am gaining good experiences in taking care of my desires.

I am accomplishing the things that I want to.

I am discovering entire worlds of things which were off limits for me through the cruel limitations which were placed on me as a child.

Breaking through those habits is a challenge I have taken on.

Bit by bit, help comes to me.

My own inspiration is a constant flow counteracting the limitations of the past.

More solutions are attracted as I continue my course.

Now that I have begun, I am assured to progress.

I am grateful to discover the tiny light within and to be guided by it and to watch it grow.

Reaching my own goals seemed an impossible dream, but it is happening.

I am building up my successes one by one.

Completely new paths are opening up to me.

I am entering a different kind of world for myself.

I am no longer subject to the cruel limitations of the past.

I am breaking past them to reach another goal.

© 2019 Kathryn Hardage

www.lovedcherishedadored.blogspot.com 

Taking Care

I am so unused to getting hurt for any length of time, that I didn’t realise that I had actually done some damage to myself.

I thought I was dealing with jet lag and general fatigue when I found myself limping a bit as I tried to take in the sights.

I thought it was being unused to walking that much and going up three flights of stairs to our small hotel room.

After several weeks of this, I continued pushing myself including climbing up to the top of one of the highest sites in the city.

The next day, I could barely walk at all, even though my ankle had been improving.

My husband bought me a bandage to wrap my ankle, but my legs just were not working.

After being scared about that, I tracked down the symptoms and found that I had strained my quadriceps.

I implemented the recommended rest and gradually began to recover.

On top of that, I was still dealing with my habitual panic attacks and doing so in new cities.

In my hotel room, I listened to a talk for therapists who help trauma victims.

I was able to glean a new idea which moved me forward.

After that I listened to an artist who teaches intuitive drawing.

My drawing complimented the new idea which I had just learned.

I was able to apply that to my next outing.

I walked slowly, listened to my body, ate when I needed to, took my time, enjoyed the sights which surrounded me and made it to my destination.

I continued listening to my body, addressed the panic attacks, and slowed down to enjoy my activity.

I was able to proceed throughout using this process.

I called a halt when I felt too overwhelmed to continue and was able to take a break.

On the way home, I stopped and enjoyed several other sites.

I made it back to the hotel, and gave myself a long rest.

I am taking the next day very easy, but I know I have the tools to continue moving forward in my healing and enjoyment of my life.

© 2019 Kathryn Hardage

www.lovedcherishedadored.blogspot.com