All my life, I carried out other’s plans for me.
Now that I am carrying out my own plans, I find I have to connect every thread that I was not able to connect before.
Part of it is the matter of learning new skills, which I am doing.
Part of it is overcoming the fear of doing what I want.
I am learning that I now have the strength to move myself in the direction I choose.
I no longer have to survive; I can thrive.
Even though it produces terror that I am going against the old powers in my childhood, I am persisting.
As I connect the threads to what I desire to do, I can feel an inner foundation which has been buried under the terror.
The foundation to do what I choose and what is important to me is being built as I nurture it and take the steps one-at-a-time in my new direction.
I am grateful for the grounding techniques I am learning when the panic attacks are overwhelming.
I am grateful for the progress I can see as I learn my new skills and produce beautiful things.
I am grateful for the lessening of the panic attacks as I do what I want and need to do repeatedly.
I am grateful for the beginning feelings of confidence and self-respect for moving in the direction I want to go.
I am grateful for not feeling helpless.
© 2017 Kathryn Hardage
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